I was a fangirl before I knew what that meant.
I was born to obsess. Quietly and with the sort of inherent laziness I do everything else, but my head has been in the clouds for what feels like my entire life and I’ve always been chasing something to pretend, somewhere to go, someone to ship.
The act of shipping is my favorite. I’m old and outdated and only realized the concept of shipping was even a real live thing with a name and definition like a year ago, and then I was hunched over my keyboard with stars in my eyes at all the GIFs and Photoshop creations falling down this rabbit hole that was Tumblr. All these romance and adventure books I’d read and fallen in love with were being not only discussed with passion and thoughtful insight, but they were being casted with swoony models and charming actors and glorious pictures were coming out of that inspired obsession.
I’m a grumpy old woman with tired bones. I was ahead of the curve once upon a time in the 90s and had an open diary and a livejournal and my own AOL account before my friends did, because of my dad who was one of the first to work with broadband back in Atlanta, and that made me TECHY and GLORIOUS. Then everyone shot out in front of me and it took me until college to get a cell phone. I was the rabbit who thought she was fine with her purple, sparkly beeper and then everyone started to do stuff with their computers that had nothing to do with their feelings and my hermit tendencies matured and told me to stop and sit awhile and I did and then everyone started saying things I didn’t understand, writing in a shorthand I was not fluent in and making apps and nothing made sense to me anymore.
But shipping? Tumblr? FANDOMS? All of this makes so much sense to me. I GLORY IN IT. I am young and on FIRE again. I wasn’t techy enough for the cool nerds and I was too lazy to commit to the things that required commitment, but reading books and watching shows and celebrating stories?
I was born for this. The obsessive but lazy romantic who wants to take all the trips to all the places and have her heart squeezed and broken and fixed over and over again. The fervor and wandering imagination that needs to be fed and watered with writing my own stories and reading and finding new favorites is at her happiest falling down rabbit holes where everyone is a little mad and so very creatively awesome.